Rentaperson
by Evil's Misstress
Summary: It is about what happens after we blow up the world. You can live through it, you just gotta build you own cardboard box.
1. Intro

***Ok juss so I don't get sued: I don't own all of the characters in this story, but parts of them, maybe if you put them together, you'd get Mearle, but I doubt it.***  
As I sat in the van, I listened intently to the argument of my queen and the tyrant. Needless to say my queen won, my employer lost. The queen's slave was taking us to Mearle. We began discussing the matter at hand.  
  
I was the mediator, since I worked for both of them. They knew I was a double agent, they had even told me that I was.  
  
Brief Explanation:  
  
Lexy the Tyrant rules the world minus Rhode Island now called the Land of Guyanaschtick, which was owned by Mandy. Topher is her slave, Nikki is her high lady, and I am her mistress, spy, and hubby. To Lexy, Nikki is the ruler of California, and the Duchess of the Black Queen of New America (she is also on Lexy's side), I am his spy, agent 450, and father.  
  
Back to the matter at hand:  
  
They were hammering out the details of my spymanship. They agreed to share me, but they were forced to make a new schedule. The doing of that would make all owners of me come together and (dun dun DUN!! Dramatic Reverb) Agree! **GASP**  
  
The meeting was held in the great MSNM room. Lexy and Mandy were arguing as they always do, and Mandy winning, as she always does. Nikki was staring into space thinking *deep* thoughts. The Great Manda and I were ignoring each other yet having a conversation on the fact that we are separated because of the night at the bowling alley where.sorry got off track.  
  
Everyone had their own schedule worked out, but one really almost worked except the fact that Lexy only got one day, but he's Alex, what more can I say? The new schedule went: Manda-Monday/Tuesday, Mandy- Wednesday/Thursday, Nikki-Friday/Saturday, and Alex-Sunday.  
  
P.S. If you need additional help, go to chapter eight. --Your Humble Narrator. 


	2. The War of a Short Proportion

This seemed to make them happy. Tyrant Lexy didn't really get it though. After a few weeks, he finally understood that he was getting hosed. So he launched a full on attack on the land of Guyanaschtick. He attacked with his well-oiled midgets from the experiment named MIC (Midgets In Caves). He sent them to Guyanaschtick in fire trucks, with weapons in hand.  
  
This caught the queen by surprise. She gathered her army of magical half- lings that she had gotten when she conquered all of Harry Potter worlds, books, and especially Draco! She sent them off to meet the Lexy's army in the middle of New America. They had all sorts of weapons at their disposal; well since they were magical they could do what ever they wanted. The leader of this army of magical midgets was Sarah, her High War clerk.  
  
This war was one to see that's for sure. The clanking of the swords and wands more weapons than you can imagine. Lexy had pinpoint accurate pen shooters on his side, but they were no match for the bottle snake cannons on Mandy's side. Just as it seemed that Mandy would win yet again against Lexy, he let loose his main weapon, bowling Skinheads!!!!!  
  
The skinheads took charge, with their Mountain Dew cannons that shot bowling balls. They aimed right for snake cannons and destroyed a few of them before the mini wizards could cast a spell to protect them. Lexy had counted on this. He had a team of specially trained scientists from the Othrsd. Corp. design balls that could penetrate anything except Jell-O. Jell-O would make the bowling balls bounce back and hit Lexy's forces. If Mandy knew that she could defeat him once again.  
  
I had to tell her, I was her spy, but then I was Lexy's too. I've got it, ill go to Mandy as her mistress, then I won't have to tell Lexy all because I'm not his spy at the moment. Wait I don't even have to go to Mandy, I can go to Sarah, and she doesn't need to know. Sarah didn't believe me, why not?! If she looses then Lexy will control everything, including the land formerly know and Rhode Island, now called Guyanaschtick, ruled by the Queen of the Mash Register Monster!! 


	3. JELLO!

The battle raged on, and then finally Sarah gave in and decided to try the Jell-O shields. She ordered the MM's to make a Jell-O force field about the army. Not the green icky kind, the good kind, not the red either, but the sparkly kind, ya know the stuff that tickles the roof of your mouth, yeah that stuff. Well the protective covering was made, but the skinheads were still advancing. They held their bowling balls high, with pride as the marched ever onward towards the wobbling twinkling screen. There was no way of stopping them!  
  
Just then a skinhead rammed in to the sparkly wall (*klunk*). He was down! Now the MM's started filling their cannons with the Jell-O. But it only knocked them down!! Then the glittery gelatinous goop ran out, now they could only use icky green or smelly red Jell-O. So they began filling the cannons, guns, and arrow tips with the disgusting colors of gooey congealed substance.  
  
Suddenly as the green and red blobs pelted the oncoming onslaught of skinheads, they disappeared! The sickening Jell-O rain caused a retreat of Lexy's forces. The queen had won again. But a new enemy was on the horizon.  
  
This is for Chris who thought that there was no way of saying Jell-O with out saying Jell-O. So here's what it would read your way Chris.  
  
The battle raged on, and then finally Sarah gave in and decided to try the Jell-O shields. She ordered the MM's to make a Jell-O force field about the army. Not the green icky Jell-O, the good Jell-O, not the red Jell-O either, but the sparkly Jell-O, ya know the Jell-O that tickles the roof of your mouth, yeah that Jell-O. Well the Jell-O sheild was made, but the skinheads were still advancing. They held their bowling balls high, with pride as the marched ever onward towards the Jell-O. There was no way of stopping them! Jell-o!  
  
Just then a skinhead rammed in to the Jell-O wall (*klunk*). He was down! Now the MM's started filling their snake cannons with the Jell-O. But it only knocked them down!! Then Jell-O ran out, now they could only use icky green Jell-O or smelly red Jell-O. So they began filling the cannons, guns, and arrow tips with the disgusting colors of Jell-O. Jell-o!  
  
Suddenly as the green and red Jell-O pelted the oncoming onslaught of skinheads, they disappeared! The sickening Jell-O rain caused a retreat of Lexy's forces. The queen had won again. But a new enemy was on the horizon. JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL- O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O JELL-O!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Goat Knapping!

Nikki watched from her really really big goat telescope, all that was happening on the middle of New America. I know this cuz I was with her planning the invasion of well if I told you it might ruin the non-existent plot. Oh well it wont hurt to tell. She is gonna attack Mandy and hold Sarah hostage for Chris's goat and...wait I'm getting to far ahead of myself.  
  
Well we developed this ingenious plan that was soooooo intricate that it was a waste of time to do all 888 steps. So the plan was simple, get Chris and Sarah to the local stuff buyery, AKA Wal-mart. Then get Chris to buy us the entire store, and then while he's paying for it all, we hide in the open field next to Wal-mart and pretend to be trees. Then when he will walk out side we will rush him and try to knock him down but we will fail, then as he regains his balance, we get Sarah to follow into Chris's van and leave him behind with a note in the parking place of his van. The note will read as follows:  
  
WE HAVE YOUR WAR CLERK, IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER, GO TO THE CORNER BOOKSTORE AND ASK FOR AGNES. THEN DO THE CHICKEN DANCE AND HUM THE TUNE REALLY REALLY LOUD. BRING THE GOAT ALONG, AND A SIGN THAT SAYS: RIDES FOR 88 CENTS. THEN LEAVE THE GOAT WITH JOAN, AKA AGNES. THEN SPIN AROUND 4 TIMES AND DISCO DANCE OUT OF THE STORE. SHE WILL RETURN WITHIN 88 HOURS MAYBE! BWaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!! 


	5. Visitors

Ikkin and I returned to her lair in the heart of California, but only to discover that Lexy was there with Beelzebub (A.K.A. Landon, I know he's not in the intro). They sat there with the exactly same look, a smile that would creep out a really creepy thing that shouldn't exist and.well a really, really creepy smile. The smile reminded me of barbed wire, you know, thin lips with teeth showing at random, all though the both have straight teeth. Oh well. We sat there for a while just staring into space. La, la, la, la, la! Then the goat, spoke, and to all of our surprise, it spoke English!!!! It said, "Boy and I thought sheep were dumb!!!" Nikki and I stared at him with a sinfully, deathly, evil glare. Lexy lunged toward the goat, but Bub stopped him in mid air. They smashed into the ground. They lie in pale light that shown through the air holes in the black glow- in-the-light building.  
  
Nikki and I just ignored Alex trying to kill the goat and Landon not letting him. We went on talking about our devilish plan, and how we were going to invade Mandy's land, and that I forgot what the purpose was for in the first place. Then we got to the point in our little conversation, that we realized, "Why are THEY here?"  
  
By this time, the boys had broken out their wooden swords and were pretending to be presidential candidates that would never get elected, like Bob Dole and Ralph Nader. The goat was cowering in a small flowerpot trying to escape the splinters of wood that were pelting everything in that part of the room. We broke up the fight by crying, "Boy these green cows sure do make good peanut butter!" They both stopped dead in their positions, and simultaneously called back, "Where?!?" Alex managed to get in one more stab, to "win" the "fight", before they walked toward us.  
  
We finally got them to settle down just enough to tell us what the heck they were doing there. Alex had heard that we were planning to invade Guyanaschtick. He wanted to win against her, because ever since his last battle, he learned how to defeat the JELL-O shields, with MICROWAVES!!! Well when we refused to let him in on the plan, he threatened to take Cali away from Nikki, she gave in and told him everything, and well MOST of it was true. But that still didn't explain why Landon was there. Bub told us, that Lexy dragged him along for "Moral" support, and that it had something to do with M.I.C.  
Hold it, hold it! This is Ikkin. I wanna tell MY side of the story man. This is not a fair portrayal of events. Kendy is totally biased! Anyway, here goes...  
  
Okay, so we walked into my house. Not LAIR, house. I was singing cool Pennywise songs in my head when I noticed that the very person that got me hooked on the particular song I was mentally humming was in my living room.  
  
"Lexy! What are you doing here?! And why are you and Bub dueling in my living room?"  
  
They stopped their sword fight and turned to us, and just stared. Kendy and I looked at the boys, then to each other, then back to the guys again. It was pretty funny.  
  
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the goat and we heard him say, "You are all crazy! I am outta here!" Then he attempted to jump out of the window. Luckily Landon and Lexy stopped him, colliding in midair.  
  
"Ah, now that's better. Bub, will you tie him up for me? And Alex, you have ALOT of explaining to do!" I said with force.  
  
"Okay, okay! I figured out how to," here he twitched, "defeat the Queen's JELL-O shields. Microwaves!!!" Insert more twitching  
  
"Right..."Kendra said carefully.  
  
"Anyway, the point is...I want in. On your plan," he added quickly when he noticed he wasn't making any sense.  
  
"What?! No! You can't have in on our plan!!!" Kendy yelled indignantly.  
  
"I'll - I'll - TAKE CALIFORNIA AWAY FROM IKKIN!!!" he yelled desperate for a bargain.  
  
Insert quiet conference between Ikkin and Kendy  
  
"Fine, I'll tell you our plan, but you and Landon better not tell Amanda, otherwise; One. We will kill you. Two, you will not succeed in taking Guyanaschtick. And three, we'll kill you. Got it?" I offered.  
  
"Deal."  
  
See! I did not give away EVERYTHING! Kendra is just mad because she doesn't own the coolest state in the whole united universe. CALIFORNIA GIRLS ROCK!  
  
This is me, Kendy; Nikki, fine fine, Cali is the best state, whatever. Still I thought my version was better, though it made absolutely NO sense. It was betta', REAL betta'!!! 


	6. Potatoes

POTATOES  
  
I don't know what they have to do with the story, so I will incorporate them. Just for you Chris.  
  
Lexy went home feeling proud that day from Bongo Bay (a special hangout of ours in the middle on nowhere, it isn't even near water.). He and Amandy had a tourney in mid-air paddle soccer, and needless to say Lexy finally won something against the queen (although I think she let him just so that he would stop whining).  
  
He got to thinking that if he could win at that, why couldn't he win in a real battle of wits and tactics.counting POTATOES!!!! Now these were no ordinary potatoes, they ran about in a box, combing, and dividing, but can only do those twice each, combine and divide. This makes the game much funner, especially if you shrink down to the potatoes size, and also much more difficult to count. At the end of 3 1/2 min, you write down how many you think there were. The papers are turned to the Grand Time Keeper, if you get it right, you become you normal size and get to watch the looser recount till they get it right.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~THERE CHRIS, THERE IS YOUR POTATOES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Humph!" he said as he thought of all the equipment needed to invent.I mean play a game like that, with secret rules that only he win... OOH! That was supposed to be secret, you did not read that, ERASE that from your mind, use white out if you have too, jus forget that I said that only Lexy could win the.drat! Someone stop me! I can't stop giving away secret motive and a nonexistent plot!!! 


	7. The Game

Well as the great fat Alex developed his game, Amandy had her spy looking on him (Me!). I could tell what he was planning and how exactly he would win. He would use his glove, made of special atomic ions from Adv. Chemie. He had developed this special glove just for this occasion.  
  
Then at the tournament, no own could beat the power of the "Glove". Then came my turn.I beat the pants off of him!!! I was on fire! I beat every one I played, except my first game, where I regrettably wagered Djibouti with Chris's Antarctica.GRRRRHHH!!! Well anyhow, Lexy was kicking butt, and beat Amanda, but clumsily forgot to wager anything so it was an empty loss. Well. it's the umm.oh never mind. Well then walk in the ho(EEEK!! Almost gave something away!) The uh... nicest two peeps.Stephen and Jawnie. They just waltz in there like they are a couple.*sigh*. I wish.*another sigh*  
  
Anyhoo, on with the story. There we were battling it out, Chris on the right and my two stepping on the left. We were playing on the Francesca. I bet all my land for my precious Jabooti, even my beloved penguins. We dooked it out for a whole three songs, thrice I won. And now.Topher has lost and I am victorious once again.  
  
He is such the sore looser, I mean I looked so sad as I danced about him chanting, "I win You Suck and I am betta than you, real betta!!! I rule You drool you only wish you could win like me!!!! Weee hooo I won I won I won I won I won I WON!!!!!!" I don't know why on earth he left the game room and went to the bar. He sat there for the next minute or so muttering and drinking. Now that I think about it I kind of feel bad.no wait.I don't!!!  
  
I saw Nikki sitting at a table and I walked over to talk to her. "Hello, Ikkin." "Hi, me and the rest of the Severed Heads," at this point she gestured to the punk band sitting with her, "are going bowling. Or something." I nodded. "Oh, okay. If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the Skinheads?" "I told them that they were better off...(almost inaudible) dead." Ikkin Replied.  
  
Well then it was my turn to play Stephen & he really sucks at air hockey. erm air hovering potato counting??? Well anyways he beat me!!!! Oh well ill let him cuz I can only make his 3rd hour worse.*evil grin*.  
  
Then just as menacingly as it came, it left.you wanna know what is it..well I can't tell you. Everything in its path was devastated and in awww.and they began to be astonished. 


	8. Do you need this?

Well seeing as how none of you, my faithful readers, know what on earth is going on, so here is an intro for the intro, yet strategically placed after the 8th chapter.  
  
Well to begin with, here is something that just might help, perhaps...  
  
"Once upon a time in the 9th year of our schooling, a teacher called the class to do a history project. There started out two groups, the girls, and the guys. The two groups merged and became the one group, the original eight. They became friends. The cult of the Otherside had begun. They all sat on one side of the class room, segregated from the.Prep-side. They had every class together, torturing Chris between each hour. They ate lunch together and cheated..Hrmph..observed one another's homework.  
  
See now they were not complete strangers. Kendra knew Landon, Alex, and Andrew from a previous schooling year in the famed, Mr. Snyder's class. Amanda knew Kendra from gymnastics. Amanda also knew The Manda because of the shared name. Kendra knew The Manda from drama class. Last but not least, The Manda knew Chris from their previous years of schooling at Cerbat Elementary. Nikki hadn't been there long enough to be known through previous schooling, for she had moved to Kingman that very year.  
  
This group became very close, so close that in order to enter into it, one would have to be initiated. They did this to a few select people. Only one of them had to be kicked out for exasperating behavior. They went about maddening business owners, like Wal-Mart and Uncle King's. They even infuriated a few teachers to the point of claiming that these bright minds would never reach college. They were a group of normal teens..."  
  
Well this is how we became friends and started our own cult, not really but its fun to tell people that we belong to a cult. Anyhoo, one day in summer school, a plot to take the world formed.  
  
As normal children grow, their expectations and goals for life are lowered, but seeing as how we are anything but normal, our dreams get higher and higher.  
  
Well we devised a way that cannot be said for we, you and I alike, are being watched by the cameras and telescoping magnifying hearing aids about the rooms in the building we call the world. The moral of the story is that we divided up the world with two leaders, Amanda and Alex, then with their minions/slaves/govoners/spies/whatever the rest of us Othersiders are.  
  
Is this enough of an explanation? Well is it, cuz I don't know cuz I know all of it already. Fine then don't answer me!!! I am leaving you alone in the void of the internet now.  
  
Jaa`  
  
Your Humble Narrator, Nacchi 


End file.
